that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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