I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
