Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
