he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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