You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
