Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they're like a gay fantastic four
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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