if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
