I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i've created a new STD.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
