I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
