Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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