She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
