I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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