ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
