This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
