i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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