i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just found puke in my bra..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
