toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
