did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
