listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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