I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
