So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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