tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize