it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
