She is in my trunk
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
