There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
