That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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