OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
