there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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