That's intense
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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