Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
