I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
