Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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