I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
