If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
