Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
as a side note pls kill me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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