Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
