I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
