i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you had me at cake vodka
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize