your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
