Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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