Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
