I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
