btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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