I CAN MOONWALK!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
