2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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