two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
