Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
