Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
