I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
