I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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