my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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