oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize