my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
