i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
