i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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